This past week, I went to the RNC in Tampa. It was my first national convention for any political party and it was wild. My company sent me, so I was not there as a delegate, alternate or card-carrying member. It was very liberating to be more of an observer. I met some very accomplished people: Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey, Governor Gary Herbert of Utah, and several smaller big shots in the Republican Party. I had a great time.
At home, while I was hobnobbing with the GOP, HH was hosting his own convention.
A convention of chaos. (Dorky, I know.)
From the moment I left the house at 5:30 am for a 7:00 am flight on Tuesday, the chaos began at home.
It started with Turtle.
Some nights, Turtle roams the house after we go to bed. He is our little night owl. We tuck him in and tell him he needs to stay in bed. We try to wait him out. Never the less, one night he might raid the fridge, another the pantry, another still, he might climb into bed with us or the cat.
But the night before I left, unbeknownst to us, he got up and scaled the hutch in the kitchen where we keep the candy dish…and the car keys. Then, he retrieved both, ate the candy and hid the keys.
When HH was ready to pack up the boys hours later, well of course…no keys. And that meant, no one could go anywhere.
No school for Vader, Turtle or Splash until they were found.
Had I been here, I could have taken the morning off, come to rescue HH, taken the boys to school, and been part of the drama, but I wasn’t here.
THANK GOODNESS, a very gracious neighbor was able to take Vader to school.
As soon Vader leaves, HH starts to tear the house apart because Turtle has no idea where he hid them and yelling at him is not making him remember any quicker. In his search, he finds lots of other things.
A ring pop stuck to the back of the couch.
A cup of lemonade on the floor just waiting to be spilled.
It is warm lemonade.
HH realizes is not lemonade. Someone, one of my three potty trained kids, has peed in a cup and left it on the floor.
THANK GOODNESS that particular cup was found before it was spilled.
(At this point, you are already thinking THANK GOODNESS these are not my kids.)
As the clock is ticking down on the whopping 3 hours that HH has to do anything productive today, HH’s blood pressure is getting higher and higher. He decides to focus on something else for a minute to calm down. He starts to put dishes in the dishwasher where…you may see this coming…he finds the keys.
THANK GOODNESS, the dishwasher was not full and ready to be turned on. Had I been here, I would have probably done that on my way out the door.
So now, with keys found, the day can now move forward. Or so you think, because it is today that Splash forgets his lunch box that HH packed and placed in his hand on the way out the door.
HH has to go back and get it.
THANK GOODNESS, we moved to a school that is only 3 miles from the house for VPK, and no longer have the 20 minute drive to the boy’s old school.
Later, HH gets the short stick when I screw up and incorrectly tell him that Turtle has a dentist appointment. It is really scheduled for next Wednesday. And Turtle, who has an unnatural aversion to toothpaste, has recently been told that he has FIVE cavities. (Vader and Splash have zero.) HH has no choice but to leave and come back next week.
Or so I think. Had I been the one to take Turtle, I would have pouted about the error and left in a huff.
But HH charms the office staff and they talk with the dentist and THANK GOODNESS, these good people agree to take Turtle back for the dental work anyway – which is little consolation because then HH has to listen to our son scream as they cart him away to poke and drill in his little mouth.
This is only day one of my trip.
Day two was better, but not without drama. I won’t bore you with more long drawn out narratives though. Perhaps some basic math problems.
Question: Several hours of rain + one sliding car door inadvertently opened overnight by our little key thief = __________
Answer: One really stinky minivan.
Question: Sixteen second graders + one friend’s hat = __________
Answer: Head lice.
Oh…this is boring.
And pretty standard issue around Chez Boss Lady.
Yes, this is life at our house. My presence does not quell the chaos. It only alters our response to it. It is not any better, just different.
When I travel, I do feel bad that HH has to endure these things alone.
I think I feel bad.
THANK GOODNESS, I was gone.