I love hubby. He is a great guy. He is kind. He is easy-going. He is a good person. He is also someone I rarely get to do anything fun with anymore. My full-time job takes me out-of-town two to four times a month for travel. We had the unexpected trippling of our brood and in turn, our expenses and now, we are constantly surrounded by a trio of high-energy boys. There was postpartum depression. Multiple job lay-offs (three in three years.) The death of a loved one. The addiction problems and chronic illnesses of other loved ones.
As a result, we are not winning any awards for keeping the romance alive.
We used to do stuff. While we were never the couple who shared tons of hobbies, in the 10 years we’ve been together, he has expanded my taste in music and introduced me to camping and I have gotten us engaged in community organizations and volunteer efforts. We have played some really funny tennis matches. We’ve traveled. We’ve renovated. We’ve lollygagged. We know that we can have a good time. We just have not done that lately.
Now, on Fridays, (at least on Fridays, I should say) I am committed to making an effort to find a connection with my hubby.
Step one: I picked up an audio book at the library the other day entitled, “For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage” by Tara Parker-Pope. I am a very analytical person and unlike most of the marriage books I saw on the shelf, this one appealed to that part of me. NY Times columnist, Jane Brody wrote, “It is pure joy to read a book on so popular a subject as marriage that is not filled with pop-psych platitudes and prescriptive do’s and don’t’s, but rather lets readers come to their own conclusions based on solid scientific research. Tara Parker-Pope, a dedicated science journalist, disabuses us of long-held myths (like a ‘soaring’ divorce rate or the need to avoid conflict in intimate relationships) and replaces them with facts that can help couples of any persuasion form stronger, steadier unions.”
The readership on Amazon.com gave this book 4.5 stars so I am going to give it a go. If you have read this book and have any feedback about its value to you, please let me know!
Step two of my first Focus on Marriage day is going to be a backscratch. Hubby is a pushover for these. I think it is his favorite thing on the planet. And I never offer to give him one. I usually am well on my way to sleep when he asks for one and I begrudgingly relent, but not for very long. Tonight, I am planning for a 15 minute scratch-athon for the betterment of my marriage.
Any feedback on what you do to make your marriage better? Please share… I need ideas for next week. 😉